How Donald Trump can plug the leaks

President Richard Nixon’s team tried plugging leaks with the infamous "Plumbers". That didn't work out so well. So in the spirit of learning from past mistakes, here is my recommendation to President Trump to stop the incessant leaking to the press from within the White House.

When he returns from his first overseas trip, round up every WH staffer from top to bottom for a mandatory meeting. Once everyone is present, the President walks in.

He thanks them for coming and thanks them for working so hard on "the people's agenda" since he became president.

While speaking, have assistants start passing our sealed envelopes to all attendees. Ask that the envelopes be left sealed. While the envelopes are being distributed, he continues, "I am not hear to ask for your loyalty. It is implied by the job you are in. You should be loyal to the trust you have been given. Most of you have security clearances and you ALL know that in any job, especially this one, you don't tell others details about your work, especially if it is sensitive, protected information."

Announce that inside the envelope is a resignation letter. Offer to accept the resignation from anyone without question and that a good referral would be offered to any prospective employer who asks.

Announce that if anyone wishes to resign, they may leave the meeting right now and there will be HR personnel just outside the room to begin the processing.

After anyone leaves, he continues, "From this day forward there will be no leaks. I understand that some of you are legacy employees, going back many years, even decades. I appreciate all of your services. Many of you are so new you are still having trouble finding your way back to your office. Whoever you may be, you are here to HELP the current administration, not harm it. If you feel that leaking sensitive and classified information to outside interests is helping the current administration or is helping the United States, then you may carry your envelope to the desk outside of this room right now. What I am asking for is for you to follow the pledge you signed when you began working here, that is all. If you do not like what I am doing, you are free to leave. It is that simple.

"What is even more simple is that I will no longer tolerate tattling, insubordination and lying by leaking the goings on in this White House. Period.

"Here is how we are going to work this. I know that reporters will not disclose their sources. Fine. I get that. Even if they are shielding law breakers, I get it. So, with the first reported attributed leak after this meeting, all GS-5s and below except for legacy house support staff will be let go or transferred out of the White House.

"When the second leak occurs, all GS-9s and below will be replaced.

"With the third leak - all remaining GS personnel will be replaced.

"If there is a fourth attributable leak, all remaining staff will be fired and replaced.

"I am not trying to be cruel or mean, but people, there needs to be consequences for any leaker's illegal deeds. The military has had an unwritten code for many, many years that if one person messes up, the entire unit suffers. This aids in cohesion and it also makes it much more important for everyone to help everyone else. All of you benefit by stopping the leaks.

"We have reporters and media folks in our workspaces all of the time. Senior level folks are always being interviewed and talked to. Off the record comments can be a valuable tool to get word out without it being official. I get that too, but these comments have tacit approval. I think that you all know which leaks I am talking about.

"For all of you GS-5s and below, I apologize in advance. Your fate is in the hands of your co-workers and your leadership. Let them know how you feel. If you like your job you will have no problem keeping it if others follow simple rules. If you do not like your job or you do not approve of the way I am doing mine, step to the back of the room with your envelope. Again, it is that simple.

"Thank you all, thanks for your help with a very successful diplomatic trip and lets all get back to work!"


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