And the winner is...

Let me start by saying that this is not another one of those what-I-had-for-breakfast blog postings. Hear me out...

Do you ever use a product and while futzing with it, involuntarily mumble to yourself "What a piece of $#!+. If there was an award for the biggest piece of $#!+, this would be it"? I had one of those moments this morning.

Usually for breakfast I have non-fat yogurt and blueberries with a sprinkling of cereal on top. It hasn't helped me with my weight 'issue' but it makes me think that it does and breakfast is incredibly simple to throw together. But since Costco didn't have any blueberries available this week, I had to improvise. (Since I usually pay $8.49 for 18 oz., I certainly am not going to run to the local grocery store and pay $5.00 for 4 oz.)

We had a few strawberries left in the fridge, so I decided to mash them up and mix it with the yogurt. No problem. I cleaned the berries and decided to save myself a little time and use our faux Slap-Chop. Now, if you have seen the video, when Vince throws the cheap store-bought imitation over his shoulder and makes a three-pointer in the kitchen sink, this ain't one of those. This is made by Zyliss, a Swiss (that is, as in Switzerland where they make those Swatches and those cool knives.) They even have a video for their chopper.

OK, so I pull the Zyliss chopper out of the top cabinet (purgatory for seldom-used kitchen gadgets) and popped off the bottom cover. I didn't want to make strawberry puree on my chopping block, so I loaded the 'cup' with sliced fruit and a couple of small unsliced berries.

Slap! Slap! Slap!

Hmmm. Not much going on in there...

Slap! Slap! Slap!

Still looks the same...

Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

I can still see unchopped pieces. Now it is time to get serious...

Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

This time I am using my palm, not my finger like Vince would. I twist off the bottom cover. Wow... lots of unchopped chunks. So I put the cover back on.

Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

I am watching the plunging blade. Yes, it is slowly rotating, so there should be no safe zone inside that death machine.

Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

Finally, I open up the chopper and dump the contents into a bowl. Guess what? WHOLE STRAWBERRIES!!! I kid you not. How can that be? I am going to send these strawberries off to Afghanistan! If they can make it through the slapper, they can make it through anything.

So now I am three or four minutes into this and I haven't saved any time or effort. In fact, it could become a valuable part of my non-existent exercise regime.

What to do with a bowl of half-chopped, half-whole (is that an oxymoron??) strawberries? I know... put them in my never-used Vita-Mix which is sitting on a shelf (too big for the purgatory cabinet) in the kitchen. I drop the mess into the Vita-Mix and turn it up to 3 and it gently purees the strawberries in about 15 seconds. Mirabile dictu!

I pour the goo into my bowl and NOW, I am ready for breakfast... after I clean up my chopping board, knife, Zyliss (you know, it opens up like a butterfly) and the Vita-Mix pitcher. Hot water takes care of it because strawberries have no fat, but can you imagine the mess if this had been cheese or meat? What a PITA. (This PITA, not that PETA.)

(Blogger's note: While writing this blog, I was eating my scrumptious breakfast and I chomped down on something. It was a piece of plastic from the Zyliss! I kid you not.)

How much easier would this have been if only I had purchased a Magic Bullet?

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