Flakes on a Plane
You are sitting in 23B, a middle seat near the rear on a packed Southwest 737-700. On the second leg of your flight to Las Vegas, you try to get as comfortable as you can, considering the circumstances. You usually book Early Bird so that you can board in the "A" group, but you screwed up and forgot to check the box when making your reservation, and to make matters worse, you didn't log on 24 hours ahead to grab the earliest boarding number you could.
So, there you were. Getting on the winged bus holding a C27 boarding pass which meant 146 people had boarded before you. The overhead bins were already full, but you were able to push and squeeze your carry-on bag in the bin six rows back. Well, at least you found a free space.
You made eye contact with the big guy sitting in 23C on the aisle. He gave you that "Damn, you had to pick this row" look, unbuckled his seat belt and tripped into the aisle. You guiltily slipped into 23B and shoved your shoulder bag under the seat in front of you, kicking it home with your foot.
You didn't know that you would be flying with a group of retired offensive linemen, but there you were. The human equivalent of a "wedgie", you fumbled with the seat belt, swapping your buckle for his tab, got it secured and finally, you were ready for takeoff. At least on this flight, you didn't have to turn your iPhone off during takeoff. Southwest just yesterday removed the in-flight restrictions for use of electronic device during takeoff, landing and during the flight, so you mindlessly thumbed your screen, checking Facebook.
The Boeing goes wheels up and as you reach 10,000 feet, you hear the familiar ding of the captain turning off the seat belt light. You pop your tray table down and set your iPad on it. Maybe you can get a little work done over the next three hours.
Suddenly the quiet noise of the jet engines is broken by that familiar Marimba ring tone. You instinctively reach for your phone, but you realize that 1) it is not your phone and 2) you are on a plane! The tight end sitting next to the window, shoves two fingers into his jeans pocket and extracts the ringing device.
"Hello?"
"Hey. Yeah, I am flying out to Vegas... Yeah. On the plane right now, can you believe it? This is awesome!"
Of course, your seatmate is not speaking sotto voce. No sir. He is pushing 70db so that the person on the other end has no problem hearing his voice.
"I know, right? That's fucking crazy." he replies to who-you-have-no-clue.
"So, check this out..." and off he goes into a five minute soliloquy about his live-in girlfriend, his agent, his book deal and how he thinks the IRS has singled him out for an audit. And before he finishes his über-important conversation, three other cell phones have lit up and are all in full-on conversation mode.
Welcome to the world of Flakes on a Plane. Fortunately for us fliers, this scenario has not yet come to pass. YET. But it may. The FAA has recently stated that there is no technological reason that cell phones couldn't be used in flight, but the 97% of fliers that aren't flakes are mounting such a stink-fest that it may not happen. But you never know. ..
To combat the threat of unfettered phone calls with the inevitable disturbing side-effects, I have an answer. (You knew I would, didn't you?)
All cellphone/smartphone manufacturers should build in an "In-Flight" mode. This mode could be automatically initiated without the user's intervention and would be used once the flight began. Here are the major points of In-Flight mode:
I am guessing that this functionality could be implemented on smartphones simply by upgrading the firmware of the smartphone. Old school cell phones will probably be obsolete within two years, and the new ones could have this function built in.
I certainly realize that the vast majority of airline passengers wouldn't place phone calls and really wouldn't want others listening in on their conversations, but if their phone rang and it was one of their kids or their parents or their boss, the temptation to answer the call would be to great to resist. Let's not put people in the position to even have to be tempted to answer their phone by allowing technology to alleviate a problem caused by the technology itself.
So, there you were. Getting on the winged bus holding a C27 boarding pass which meant 146 people had boarded before you. The overhead bins were already full, but you were able to push and squeeze your carry-on bag in the bin six rows back. Well, at least you found a free space.
You made eye contact with the big guy sitting in 23C on the aisle. He gave you that "Damn, you had to pick this row" look, unbuckled his seat belt and tripped into the aisle. You guiltily slipped into 23B and shoved your shoulder bag under the seat in front of you, kicking it home with your foot.
You didn't know that you would be flying with a group of retired offensive linemen, but there you were. The human equivalent of a "wedgie", you fumbled with the seat belt, swapping your buckle for his tab, got it secured and finally, you were ready for takeoff. At least on this flight, you didn't have to turn your iPhone off during takeoff. Southwest just yesterday removed the in-flight restrictions for use of electronic device during takeoff, landing and during the flight, so you mindlessly thumbed your screen, checking Facebook.
The Boeing goes wheels up and as you reach 10,000 feet, you hear the familiar ding of the captain turning off the seat belt light. You pop your tray table down and set your iPad on it. Maybe you can get a little work done over the next three hours.
Suddenly the quiet noise of the jet engines is broken by that familiar Marimba ring tone. You instinctively reach for your phone, but you realize that 1) it is not your phone and 2) you are on a plane! The tight end sitting next to the window, shoves two fingers into his jeans pocket and extracts the ringing device.
"Hello?"
"Hey. Yeah, I am flying out to Vegas... Yeah. On the plane right now, can you believe it? This is awesome!"
Of course, your seatmate is not speaking sotto voce. No sir. He is pushing 70db so that the person on the other end has no problem hearing his voice.
"I know, right? That's fucking crazy." he replies to who-you-have-no-clue.
"So, check this out..." and off he goes into a five minute soliloquy about his live-in girlfriend, his agent, his book deal and how he thinks the IRS has singled him out for an audit. And before he finishes his über-important conversation, three other cell phones have lit up and are all in full-on conversation mode.
Welcome to the world of Flakes on a Plane. Fortunately for us fliers, this scenario has not yet come to pass. YET. But it may. The FAA has recently stated that there is no technological reason that cell phones couldn't be used in flight, but the 97% of fliers that aren't flakes are mounting such a stink-fest that it may not happen. But you never know. ..
To combat the threat of unfettered phone calls with the inevitable disturbing side-effects, I have an answer. (You knew I would, didn't you?)
All cellphone/smartphone manufacturers should build in an "In-Flight" mode. This mode could be automatically initiated without the user's intervention and would be used once the flight began. Here are the major points of In-Flight mode:
- The pilot would be able to turn In-Flight (IF) mode on automatically
- The ability to initiate IF mode would be restricted to specific, authorized sources such as airplanes or secure facilities
- IF would not allow any voice-based phone calls
- IF would allow texting
- IF could allow 3G/4G but could block apps such as Skype
- The In-Flight recipient of an inbound call would have a new option pop up on their screen. In addition to Answer and End, there would be a third choice: IF Response (in blue). Choosing this option would alert the caller, verbally, that the recipient is in IF mode and then give them an option to switch to text. "The phone you are calling is in In-Flight mode. Press or say One to switch to text messaging. Press or say Two to leave a message. Press or say Three to leave a "Call you back" message. Para español oprima nueve."
- Attempted outbound calls would be met with a voice response, reminding the caller that the phone is in IF mode and allowing them to switch that call to text messaging.
I am guessing that this functionality could be implemented on smartphones simply by upgrading the firmware of the smartphone. Old school cell phones will probably be obsolete within two years, and the new ones could have this function built in.
I certainly realize that the vast majority of airline passengers wouldn't place phone calls and really wouldn't want others listening in on their conversations, but if their phone rang and it was one of their kids or their parents or their boss, the temptation to answer the call would be to great to resist. Let's not put people in the position to even have to be tempted to answer their phone by allowing technology to alleviate a problem caused by the technology itself.
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